- Merry Christmas & Happy New Year -

今年的聖誕有些不同，是我首次不與家人一起渡過的聖誕。記得過去的每一年，就算哥和我各自在國外，我們一家都有一個無形的約定，就是聖誕節在香港見。今年聖誕節如常的到來，不同的是我一個人在澳洲，只能好羡慕地看着別人團圓。在這喜氣洋洋的環境裏，眼見同事們忙着佈置聖誕樹，辦聖誕禮物，我卻感到孤獨。我想家了。

不過我這想家的感覺並不持久，因爲我這裡的家裏有很多客人，十分熱鬧。Kheng Ling 的父母與嫲嫲從 Malaysia 到來參加畢業典禮，隨後也留下觀光。本來是很愉快的，不過壞事在聖誕節當天發生 —— Kheng Ling 媽進醫院，從而大家就圍着她忙。我期待已久的假期也就奉獻了，每天幫忙好友一起處理各樣事務，以及給大家一些精神上的支持。

今天是 2008 年的最後一天了。歡送 08 迎接 09 的慶祝活動就沒有我份。我只希望在新的一年裏，每個人都健健康康，快快樂樂。

My First Radio Experience

Since young, i am quite a "boring" person. I hardly enjoy any entertainment - putting the TV on always make me feel tense & fidgeting with the "noise pollution", not to mention listening to radio. However, i have started putting on the radio in my car to get onto the news, but never really expected to hear myself ON the radio. It was actually a very interesting experience. So all of these came about when I was invited together with 2 other CHS dietitians to do a short program on SBS Mandarin, to discuss access to CHS services. A pre-recording was arranged & the talk-back was today. It was bad enough for the pre-recording as i didn't know enough to have a throughout preparation, but today was an even more exciting experience to be challenged by callers to respond on clinical cases within 10-30sec (free consultations!). My adrenaline level was probably spiking during that 1 hour! Trying to word every thought in Mandarin while making sure it was appropriate & in a way, creating better image for dietitians! And indeed it was really good as we did get about 15 calls & ended up when had to extend the recording in the off-air time.

But anyway, it was a great experience! Luckily i have other dietitians to rely on! I probably can't stand on my own feet for these - which is why i don't think it is fair to take all the credit of today show, even just at MonashLink. Somehow i was late for the Primary Care meeting due to this radio recording & therefore all the staffs were told of the reason of my absence. And everyone was excited to hear the experience - and i felt quite embarrassed as i don't think i deserve it.

Oh well, i think, with this radio recording, i might as well got the thousands & ones things on my plate this year. I am amazed i have come this far, although i can still see a further way ahead to go.....

值得慶祝

今天真的很值得慶祝。媽咪終于完成了最艱苦的一段療程，連醫生都讚賞媽咪的堅持令療程能如期進度，效果也因而非常理想。我們整家真是鬆了一口氣。雖然在這段日子裏，最辛苦的當然是媽咪，除了皮肉之苦，心理上也受到那“沒完沒了”的療程折磨，不過，我們家每個都多麽盼日子快點過，盼這雨過天晴，彩虹出現的一天。媽咪，妳要加油，我們會支持妳~！終點就在不遠了！

除此之外，今天與 boss 回顧我過去一年的工作態度，她表示滿意，還有大可能升職加薪至 Grade 2！哇~！！好開心！第一是因爲我的努力的付出得了認同，意想不到可以在這麽短時間内升上 Grade 2。不過，我更加開心的是因爲我知道 daddy mummy 都會為這消息感到安慰，剛好為今天錦上添花。

Re-surface from the dark

I have such a long period of No Show. Busy?! Too stressed to write?! Nah. It is more of procrastinating, making all sort of excuses to avoid visiting this place. But why? I am unsure too. Am i tired of reporting my life here?

Looking back the entries from ages ago, i found myself being immature & ignorant to many things. I was troubled by little things in life such as coping with placements, poor friendship with ex-housemate. But for worse, when I attended the classmate gathering on Sunday, i realised i haven't grown as much as i thought. The catch-up became such a sour experience when I should have enjoyed myself with company of this batch of great friends. I feel shameful.

Looking back to the start of the year when i first began my career at MonashLink. I can proudly say that my clinical knowledge has expanded. However, the way i m fitting into the work culture has remained almost stationary. Yes, I am always frustrated & feel all lonely for being so different in culture & thinking from everyone.

Anyway, i m certainly being negative here, & possibly procrastinating again in making changes to these situations. I know what to do now...

Growing up

Working life has become more challenging recently. I worked hard & did my best for my tasks but sometimes it was just hard to deal with unforeseen circumstances and out-of-control situation. But i know & understand that i can & should control my emotions. I realised the art of letting go & doing whatever within my capability. Just like the Polish talk - i am really proud to have reacted so calmly & handled the situation when the laptop played up & the lady in-charge just kept complaining. I am growing up....

Tired & Burnout

I have not been blogging lately, as i m getting tired/exhausted.

The international awesome Beijing Olympics had come & gone, with a joyful mark engraved on the world history, and perhaps a tiny bit on my memory.

Work has been going on as usual - did a terrible talk but also a fantastic talk; had managed a difficult/rude client who literally shouted at me but also been seeing many nice appreciating ones.

Life is currently dull at the moment, although there are occasional spikes like MY editorial in Sameway; doing a talk as MLink representative in MMC (seeing my old supervisors who now need to listen & appreciate my work...)

Maybe i m complaining too much. Or maybe i m feeling all lonely in my work environment. I feel that my circle of life does not overlap with my workmates. Cuture-barrier...

I really do see meanings in my job, but would i become the carrot or rice or coffee beans in the water?....

雨後的晴天

最近發生了真的很多事，一波未平一波又起。到底是上帝爲難我們，還是這一切都不過是生命中的一些考驗呢？無論如何，我相信雨後的晴天快到了，還會有一條美麗的彩虹等着我們~！

盼雨過天晴。

北京奧運開幕了！

昨天晚上北京時間八時零八分，北京奧運正式開幕~！萬衆期待的一天，開幕典禮的一連串節目把驚喜帶到世界每個角落，把嘆爲觀止的表演送給全球的人們。三個小時的現場直播，我和 housemate 都在家裏電視前目不轉睛地見證每一刻。我們都因身為中國人感到自豪與驕傲。

點聖火的那一刻，現場的每一個人都停止了呼吸，就連我們的澳洲旁述也被嚇啞了。之後還酸溜溜的，好像不太相信一向來被人看死的中國人可以有本事想到又做到這樣的效果。

現在我完全明白到什麽叫做“世上無難事，只怕有心人”~！

Interesting experience

Recently i have this very interesting experience. As 2 Monash students were at Monashlink for their public health placement, i have this opportunity to work with my juniors & in a way, guide them in their work. When that was a time my junior Aun Ling was sitting in with me for a client consultation, i felt i were the supervisor. This feeling was so weird, it was not long since i was in that seat as a student~! But well, i think it is just like getting my full driving license. Theoretically my skills have not improved overnight but my qualification did. There are so many set-points in life that we go past. Before we reach a certain set-point, it seems like a major destination, but once we run past it & look back, it becomes so small, like a stone on the path.

Off P 大日子

歷史性的一刻 - 等了三年終于 Off P，終于拿正牌駕車了！

但今天太大風了，拍到我像神經婆~！哎呀~~

我現在拿的是 Full License 了！！！哈哈~~

成果

前一陣子，貪玩把一些忘了吃的薯仔種了在後花園。沒想到，幾個月的悉心照料，澆水施肥，成果也算很不錯。

數一數，收成了十個！雖然有大有小，但也很滿足~

最大的有我的手這麽大！（最小只有我指甲大！）

哈哈，除了外觀，味道也不錯，與 curry chicken 配合得天衣無縫~~ Yum~~ 嘻嘻~

其實，在我這種薯仔的過程當中，有人說我很浪費心機，幾粒薯仔不值得我用這麽多時間去培植。不過，我覺得我樂在其中，得到的薯仔只是 bonus，我 enjoy 的是過程。我相信做每一件事都一樣，要享受過程，欣賞從中得到的，成果並不重要，好與壞都可以是個 bonus~~

那麽遠，這麽近

知道媽咪要進入下一個階段，我想回去的衝動又浮現了出來，想在她身邊給她一個“加油”的微笑。不過，這次我的理性又勝了。有可能是今天太累了吧，為了機構上的運作 fed up 了，特別想逃避，想隨心所欲，做想做的事。不過，理性告訴我，工作的煩惱哪裏都有，我要學的是成熟面對；而這一刻的衝動會造成其他後果。再説，在現在科技發達的世界裏，有了 webcam，我們可以使那麽遠，這麽近。

盼雨過天晴。

我做了交稅人了!

今天是 7 月 18 日，一個沒有什麽特別的日子。我今天一早回到 centre，桌上有一封信，原來是我的 PAYG，是時候弄 Tax Return 了。算算手指，我在 MonashLink 已有五個多月了，也就是我踏出這個社會有一段時間了，立了不少稅自己也不怎麽覺得。心血來潮，突然想寫寫工作的感想...

我有過自豪的時候。記得上次做完 First Bites，有個 client 竟然特意上前來對我說，我是他一生遇過的營養師中最好的一個，他覺得在我的講課裏認識了很多營養知識。他的那句話，我聼了真的很開心，很自豪，可以說是成了我工作的一股無價的推動力。又比如昨天我在一個華人老人會做做的一個健康飲食的講座。雖然我的華語是有點失水準，但回應很好，七十位伯伯婆婆，每個留心聽課，下課後還積極地發問有關營養的問題。一方面我把信息帶出來了，另一方面把社區中心與他們的距離拉近，讓他們能得到這些福利。做完這講座，感覺很好，好像做了一件大好事。

不過，相反，有時候我也會擔心會好心做壞事。就像翻譯中文 brochure 為例，我想身為 MonashLink 唯一一個中國人，明明知道翻譯公司的稿是錯，我不可能不出聲。結果一不做二不休，一改就改了九成，弄到對方翻譯公司不高興。另外這星期的糖尿病週小活動，因爲題材圍繞與針對中國人，無緣無故我變成一手包辦的負責人。老實說，我沒有經驗，結果 outcome 不理想。雖然我上司 Linda 並沒有責怪我，還說怕我太累，讓我提前收工，不過，我還是覺得是我的錯，沒有把事情安排好，因而有點沮喪。而除此以外，另一件更不愉快的事是我發現我的 dietitian 同事好像不太高興我做這 project，從頭到尾沒有出手幫忙或提點我。說真的，我不想弄到別人不開心，我要的也不是要出位，只想做好份内事。唉.... 我想這些都是在社會工作的一部份，除了 dietetics 的經驗，還有很多複雜的人際關係，處理範式我要慢慢學。工作與讀書真的很不同啊~~

不過啊, 無論如何，我是從事服務行業，能幫人真的是一種福氣，因而我會開心。不過身為一個 dietitian，最最令我自豪和有用是為自己的家人的健康出一分力。最近我對媽咪的健康提了不少建議，把書本上所學的貢獻在身邊人的健康裏，感覺很奇妙。我真希望我的專業可以帶給身邊的人健康與快樂~！

近況

最近工作比較忙，剛剛去完 training，撲面而來是一大堆難題，轉個頭，又要先做其他事情。為了下周那兩個中文的 talk 及 display，我非下點心機不可，誰叫我是 MonashLink 唯一一個華人。不過，對於我這個被人稱為“香蕉”的華人，中文又只是半桶水，做起那些中文 posters 與 presentation 雖然說不上艱苦，但也需費時。雖然如此，工作忙了，感覺上生活充實了。

近日，媽咪的情況還好。前幾天，哥在家裏裝了 webcam。看到了媽咪在鏡頭下的笑容，我都安心了許多。雖然我身在外，不能陪着媽咪，但能成為了 mummy 的全職營養師，對她的康復也算出了一分力。此外，我也“兼職”上網查東西，幫忙解答媽咪與姨媽媽的提問。姨媽媽說得對，一步一步來，做現在要做的事，一切會 work its way out。

盼雨過天晴。

心情欠佳

最近心情欠佳。昨天約了朋友們吃飯，本來是想放鬆一下。但 Janet 突然殺出一個大改 plan，害我足足遲到了 45 分鐘。一向很重視守時和計劃的我，簡直氣昏了頭。不過，雖然她昨天那沒有計劃的行爲我是十分不同意，但平常也不至於令我怒髮衝冠，破口大駡。据 housemate 所言，我差點就要把我的好友生吞，可怕到極！

其實，我也有點後悔。本來就不應該亂發脾氣。我要好好調理心情，控制情緒，要不然人家以爲我是一隻母老虎。

Stay put?

腦袋背後有一股小小的力量把事情分析過，如果我現在回香港，弊多于利。是我的理性勝過我的衝動與激動嗎？還是 housemate，哥和 daddy convinced 我要我 stay put？沒錯，聼到消息後我的第一個反應就是不顧一切回家，留在 mummy 身邊，與家人在一起，就算玉皇大帝也擋不住我。不過，經過較爲冷靜的分析，我這一走，牽連的事可能就多了。PR progress 會受影響，大有可能會延遲。工作方面，最近比較忙，不知道可不可以拿到假。而最重要的是我這樣做，反而會影響 mummy 心情起落，也怕她會倒過來擔心我。雖然我真的很想回去，心裏掙扎着，不過我會聽話，做 mummy 的海外私人營養師。Mummy 現在需要的是靜養，我沖回去只會 kacau 到她。再説，Mummy 有姨媽媽這 24 小時貼身看護；daddy 和哥輪流值班陪 mummy，我當然應該好放心與安心~

盼雨過天晴。

心亂如麻

我的心情就像十五個吊桶，七上八下。

上個星期家裏突然傳來了一個很突然的消息 —— mummy 要入院動手術。

真的沒想到 Daddy 才剛剛動了一個小手術，現在竟然到 Mummy 了。

雖然星期三晚的電話中，我就覺得有點不對。但也不方便多問，至到今天 mummy 出院了，我才清楚知道什麽事情。

慶幸的是從不同角度來看，mummy 的情況都算不幸中的大幸。

但以後還有一段艱苦的路，令我有一種衝動很想什麽都不理，立刻回家，支持 mummy。

不過，無論如何，眼淚掉過了。我應該樂觀一點，想想怎樣幫 mummy。

Being different

I have been into my current position for 4+ months. And, am i happy? I would claim that i really do enjoy working as a dietitian but at MonashLink? Firstly i feel isolated. Geographically, i m at Waverley by myself, while the team of dietitians is at Clayton. I feel that i m often far from reach to my team. I know they are a phone call away but it is not the same. And being a new grad, i think i need more support than that. Sometimes it is not just physical / knowledge support on dealing with clients, but more of emotionally too, to debrief myself perhaps.. And, culturally i feel worse. I know from the very beginning that i either be more Australianised & become one of them or i ll be excluded as a whole. I am Chinese, no matter how good my English is, i m not going to be them. More importantly, my culture is different & it impacts so much on how i think. It is not that i try to be an alien in lunchroom, but sometimes it is just too hard to fit in.

Honestly i actually question myself why i choose to stay in this foreign country & be away from my family for all these..........

節日

昨天是端午節，但我和 housemate 卻大懵以爲是今天。昨日買菜是還興致勃勃買了粽子，說好今天要吃。哈哈。現在只好今晚補吃了。哈。

上個星期日是我農曆牛一。照傳統，我一早起來就煮了兩粒雞蛋來吃（其實是 housemate 煮給我吃的）。我對於這節日一向都覺得沒什麽，因爲慣了慶祝新曆就算。不過，daddy mummy 每年都會記得這一天是我生日，特意幫我/替我吃雞蛋。

一方面好感動（他們每人為我吃了兩粒雞蛋！*不過膽固醇....），但從這些照片突然看到 daddy 頭上多了好多鄒文，mummy 臉上也挂着一副疲倦的樣子。唉~ 小時候總想快點長大，卻沒想過長大後，daddy mummy 會老。生日一個一個過，日子過得太快了。如果可以 freeze 着時間多好....

Anyway，上個星期日我出席了表妹敏的洗禮儀式。沒想過是這麽隆重~ 我自己是非教徒，以爲去一去，阿敏被人丟進水就可以走。沒想到整個儀式，足足折磨我兩個半小時，痛苦啊~ 第一次目睹洗禮，感覺怪怪。不是因爲我被感動了，而是我不明白爲什麽那些人會相信這種虛無縹緲的東西。我一向覺得信仰是一種精神寄托，過於依賴“神”的話，就變成迷信了。洗禮，什麽重生，什麽得救，我覺得這聼起來倒有點怪。可能是因爲我並沒有宗教信仰吧~ 不過，我對於基督教沒什麽好感，說什麽不信就沒得救，我覺得有點莫名其妙。那天那神父說什麽非教徒就難做好人，好極有限，就更加令我對這宗教大大扣分了。唉~ 我看我以後還是不要再去這些教會活動了，每次去了我都只會產生多一點反感。但是，不去也不知我的表妹現在已是一個這麽虔誠的基督徒。去了也好，因爲我知道她很重視這節日。

Updates

Recently i have not been updating my diary as frequently as I should have. It is partly because of tiredness at end of the day, but also due to a habit of procrastinating. Ooops. In fact there has been lots of happenings that the tiny angel of my mind urges me to put it down. Firstly, the 12 May 四川大地震 which has been the most affecting disaster after the tsunami few years ago. Perhaps also because this misfortunate did happen to the Chinese, it does make me pay more attention to it. Hai~ I have heard stories of survival as well as death, bringing upon crisis as well as touching yet sad tales. Poor children lost parents, while other devastated parents lost their young ones. Some were willing to die for their loved ones while some endured pain in hope of seeing their love ones for just another time. How sad... This earthquake has taken ~70 thousands life (expecting more...), broke more than a billion hearts and costed endless buckets of tears that could have been collected to make a reservior! If there is a God somewhere, i would actually pray to make it a stop. Perhaps it is now again the time to treasure the people around us....

Well, besides this, something happened back at home too. Daddy was diagnosed with 小腸氣 all a sudden & it came to a point that he required a surgery. Although it was a mini surgery with low risk, it actually made us all quite worried. Daddy has been operated yesterday & also did a colonscopy which found that he has diverticulum in his colon - currently asymptomatic. Hai~ I know daddy is still my lovely healthy daddy, but sometimes i would really prefer him to retire soon & preserve his health as wealth can never buy back his health. Would he really agree to giving up his business by age of 60 and perhaps devote his love & time to a fishing rod?!

Lastly, about myself.. I have turned 24 with all reluctance. (don't like getting old, esp being old & SINGLE). But nevertheless, i had quite a few great celebrations. On my actual day, i had to attend a training workshop at city but my deareat housemate did give me a surprise birthday cake at night! How thoughtful! Making it more special than ever~ Haha.. Then another celebration at work on the next day + a couple dinners with closed friends. It was great~! I felt so fortunated & loved, but i always do because my friends & family are simply the best!!

Primary School Lunchbox Workshop

Tammie the Dietitian has been out in the community in actions! For the past 3 weeks I have having this "healthy eating teacher" cap on my head, wondering in the primary school ground. In the total of 15 workshops, i delivered the healthy eating messages to about 100 children! I have learnt the fine art of "listening with your ears not your mouth", "sitting down means your bottoms need to touch the floor", etc. Meanwhile, i could feel confidence was building inside me, & i was able to capture the young mind where the healthy messages have been imprinted & stored. Well, i also managed to change the arrogant teachers who used to think i m unhelpful, to now having a friendlier tone when we talk. But more importantly, my hardwork was paid off when i witnessed kids eating healthy, vegie-filled sandwiches at the last sessions. I really can't say if i m making a different in preventing childhood obesity but i must be doing a tiny part! I m loving health promotion!

Boss.

Being into this job for three months, i have begun to see different dimensions of not just plainly day-to-day work, but also layers of the job. Sometimes i just feel so crap that i would ask if this is the job i want, & if i m given a choice, would i go. This thought appears in my mind not at the time when i have just been scolded by a client over the phone or after listening to a nosy lady complaining about her demented husband. I actually do love my client load. I just don't mind speaking to anyone. This thought actually appears whenever some admin related stuffs get into my way. Strangely or not, i always have this feeling of unwelcome when there is an issue for my boss to handle.

Desk arrangement was a big issue when i first started work at Waverley but i never expected to have it again today. When i arrived at Waverley this morning as scheduled, i found my usual Wednesday seat was being taken. Well, i was initially sitting at someone's desk on Wednesday as my dietitian room is taken by the community nurse. Ok, so there goes my desk hunt. After some argument, i was lucky to find myself a space which is not the toilet. (I have expected the worst - sitting on the floor of the smelly, stinky toilet & pretend the toilet bowl as the computer....) Anyway, that space i found was because one of the staff was on leave. So since we were on the issue, i asked around to see if i could pre-locate myself a seat for future wednesdays - again fortunately a staff has just resigned so it fits perfectly well. At the back of my mind i stupidly/ignorantly assumed that the problem was settled, n even more stupidly, i emailed my boss who was not at this site to let her know the situation. Theoretically this is a problem she shld ve noticed before today & done the necessary arrangement. While i was feeling a bit proud of what i had handled, i got this email from her telling me not to re-arrange my sitting position as the seat i intended to have in the future Wednesdays is filled, n the bottom line says i ve to solve the problem myself by finding another seat. GREAT! It becomes my problem... no idea how come she is the boss - never take care of my welfare. I think my imaginations of sitting at the toilet will materialise by next Wednesday!


Hai~ This kind of things happen often. I just don't like this working environment. If i can possibly avoid dealing issues with my boss, i ll be much a happier employee. Whenever i have an issue to talk to her, she looks stressed & then the problem just comes back to me unsettled. Things like IT inadequacy isn't something i can voice out yet her, being the so-call "team leader" is more than reluctant to "bother" the IT man. Hai~

Honestly, MonashLink is the best ever job that suits me best, n more importantly, i love what i do. But there are just too many unnecessary moments. Sometimes i do wonder if i have a choice, would i actually work elsewhere, for another boss perhaps.....

Totally Disappointed & Furious++++

I am now totally disappointed with the Australian Ambulance Service as well as the Overseas Health Cover for international students. These services might sound exactly what you rely on when you have an emergency or a life / death situation but i have learnt through experience that they are just bullshit. The Dec 31 incident has been a dread for all these while. This particular experience makes me want to warn my friends that if i fainted again next time (hell! touch wood!), never call for help, not even informing the officials of the venue. That bloody (!!!!) ambulance officers sent me walk across the huge crowd after i fainted yet they are now charging me $263 to WATCH ME WALK & dissolve in the crowd where i thank God i had not fainted again. And the what-the-hell insurance / health cover is now claiming that it is NOT an emergency so they are NOT paying this big sum of money for me. So i wanted so much to faint in the first place!! I am furious++++, for giving my hard-earn money to this unhelpful service. This incident is an example of how international students are being sooooooooooooooooooooo mistreated!

Anzac Day 假期

今天 anzac day 有一日的 bonus 假期。昨晚太累了，早早就睡。一覺睡醒，原來我睡了差不多十個小時！這星期雖然短，只有四天，但我是無比的累，可能是有三天都在小學 run healthy eating workshops 吧~ 其實，我現在真的很佩服那些老師，他們每天對這一班調皮的學生，難道他們不覺得辛苦嗎~ 又要細心教導，又要希望他們和我合作，可不容易啊！不過，我也興幸自己有這機會當幾天老師，沒試過也不知道這滋味。我們設計的那些遊戲還好，有些學生玩得很開心~~ 令我感覺幾得意~ 哈.... 想起上個周末，我還十萬個擔心自己會在小朋友面前出洋相，現在最少我會對下面 9 個 workshops 有多點信心啦~~ 我這個人總是對自己無法猜測的事情沒信心，每次要離開自己的 comfort zone 時都不會抱着希望，往往只會擔心..... 不可以，不可以，我要改！

不過，說起擔心，有件事情真要我擔心呀~ 我知道這個星期 VR 在打仗。内裏的來龍去脈我就一知半解，但我怕會發生什麽一發不可收拾的事。有時，當我聼到香港的就業機會不錯，我總有一種衝動想回去，至少我可以在 daddy mummy 身邊。唉~~

Anyway, 今天中午我和幾個舊同學們聚會 —— 飲茶。大家已有一段時間沒見，一見面就問問近況，好像 long lost friends。自從畢業後個個有不同的去向，但今天短短兩個小時，時間好像停頓了，我們都回到過去，回到大學生活。我突然好懷念以前上學的日子，每天與同學嘻嘻哈哈。唉~ 今天一別，又不懂會否再見面。一個好像會去 rural，一個可能會回香港工作。未來總是無法猜測，要珍惜現在，為今天有機會相聚而開心~!

Ups & Downs

I have to admit, life has a lot of ups & downs, which goes the same for my job. It isn't really I have passion in my work & therefore everything is so positive & such a bless. But what I have written in the past few occasions are the highlights of my daily work. I wld say, it is better to write about happy things and get my readers share my joy, rather than complaining about my lazy / super forgetful / irresponsible boss who makes my life more difficult than ever or the who-who client who shouted at me over some MonashLink mistake that is definitely NOT my fault. Oh well, sometimes i do need a balance too. I could feel all exhausted & stressed out after a day of work, coming back ready to bark & bite my poor housemate. I do need to release, but times when i look back & recall some positive experiences, i strive to stay on & be more appreciate of what i hold in hands....

Dynamic Life

Perhaps my life is just dynamic at the moment - i never keep still. Getting into a full-time position, I m now looking toward my next set of goals~ Yesterday I attended a HACC funded short course - motivational interviewing. It was interesting, kind of complicated to understand yet with the range of activities, I kind of learning bits & pieces from the day program. I do feel the importance of continued education or professional development. Upgrading myself always makes me feel good. This MI concept does help me understand more about counselling during dietetic consultations, pivoting my focus more to the client which i undoubtedly constantly aim for. How interesting it is that the similar materials were once taught in uni, while i had not started clinical placements. The concept of stages of change was reintroduced into my mind once again yesterday, but this time i realised how some of my clients fit right into the different stages. Having experience to draw on makes the difference, but it is interesting to realise i have actually forgotten that concept i have learned & failing to apply the theory before yesterday. Oh well, after the Day 2 next wednesday, i hope i ll be equiped with new skills to facilitate behavioural changes in my clients~!

Anyway, today I met up with Anne gu gu for the start of my APD mentoring program. The program itself does require reflection from different angles. The 2-hour catch-up plus meeting was fruitful in setting my goals for this initial year of my career. We have worked out a plan of actions to undertake in the upcoming 26 weeks or more~ But honestly reflecting my work so far, i do see holes & gaps & of course opportunities to improve!

Now i feel like a bull, charging ahead, hopefully in the "right" direction!! And becoming a better me! It is the importance of these professional DEVELOPMENT... :)

PS. Recently saw an entry on Grace's blog, she commented on my "passion" in my work~ I actually didn't really realise that I m enjoying my work (to a certain extent, of course)! Um.. perhaps i m at least glad that the dreadfulness at the beginning hasn't prolong. Hopefully i m easing along from now on....

First "First Bites" Session

First Bites this morning was very successful indeed - 9 clients attended, a full-house I wld say! My very first experience of running a two-hour talk all by myself as a dietitian~! And i was just so glad that things turned out to be alright even after a manic of locating A LAPTOP in MonashLink. Oh crap.. Not even mention the highly equiped "computer storage". But very well, an very encouraging experience - i m more than just pleased with the feedbacks. Many people have decided to come back for more MonashLink activities eg. supermarket tour, one-to-one dietetics or physio strength training. And for more personal, i m even more pleased for myself when a gentleman walked up to me & claimed that I m the best dietitian he ever met, provided he has been seeing 7-8 dietitians so far. Oh~ I m definitely not flawless, not perfect, but i m so glad that i did make the impact on him, n his empowerment to his health! I am actually doing my job well! Ha~ suddenly the image of me being so depressed this time last year appeared itself in my mind.. So i did achieve the "impossible"..... I m indeed not as useless as my cruel supervisor presumed. I.... DID.... IT.............

Colleague resigned

Yesterday I got a shocking news that my fellow colleague, Malindi, has resigned & her last day was today! Oh it has seemed to be a bit too quick for such change of situation to sink in. Remember Day 1 of work, we went through bits & pieces of Orientation together. And it was barely 6 weeks & she is going, in fact gone now. It is definitely unexpected. Not for someone who has just begun to settle in to be going. Oh well.. Dunno if it is the structure of the organisation that she is getting fed-up. This actually put me into thinking whether i wld have left if i was given a choice....

Chinese Diabetes Consortium

The Chinese Diabetes Consortium. It is the health professional team I newly joined today, to delicate information of T2DM to the Chinese in our language! I felt more appreciated than ever being a bilingual dietitian in this team. I just feel so privilage for something i was once feeling disadvantaged of (esp during placements when the supervisors made sure u know u are non-english-speaking). During the meeting today, I wld say i was more than amazed the way even some "gold-hair-gu-gu"s take so much initiative in working for better health for the Chinese community. They try to help in all ways to get things going though, this time, in their positions is limited by Language! (oh well, they cant run Chinese talks) Haha.. This feeling is so good~~ But on top of that, I do feel fortunate to be invited as i can do my part for my own ethnicity. It is more important than any other things.... I shall work hard & do my part in making a difference in community health~!

PS. It is just so great to see Carrie (my senior) & Ivan (my so-called Manningham co-supervisor) at the meeting today. They reminded me of the days at MCHS where fun & laughters are always in the air. I miss it...

Supermarket Tour

Supermarket tour today was really good. Thank God for the wonderful client which made my tour very successful. Her feedback on the evaluation form was very positive, in fact, the score could well be 110%! The thing that really amazed me was my performance on the day. Actually prior to the tour, i was kind of worried as i know supermarket tour participants generally want to ask nitty-gritty kind of nutrition facts. The night before the tour, I studied till 1am! (just like placements...) just to familarise myself with different products of the food groups. But well, i wld say it was good preparation, as I managed to tackle 95% of the old lady's questions! And my professionalism during the tour actually amazed myself too! Anyway, it was this tour that i started to realise how much i had learnt since this job. Being a new grad, I always get a feeling of "knowledge-emptiness" when i m unsure of the answer of nutrition queries. I am supposed to be the expert yet i know quite minimal, let alone sounding confident. For the past 6 weeks, I have been learning hard everyday to be a better dietitian. Hopefully in the near future, i ll have more experiences of this satisfactory feeling with my work - like the supermarket tour today~ :)

Weighing Yourself

Being lame can make life a lot funnier~! So this picture shows how my obese clients weigh themselves~~

Melbourne - the Melting Pot

Melbourne is definitely a melting pot! With temperature as high as 40C tomorrow, i just can't imagine how cooked-up we all will be. Hai~ I falsely thought that summer was gone and so does the hot weather. But well, thank god to nowadays technology - my home & office are both well-equipped with a piece of magical machine called the air-con. *finger-crossed* Hope i will survive the upcoming week of intense heat~!

Well, metaphorically Melbourne is a melting pot too. Today I had a Greek client, typical Greek-speaking + Greek culture. It was my first experience of using an interpretor. Oh, how "fun" it was~ Conversation is harder than ever. Time was needed for the translator to speak, yet this old Greek man has little patience to wait for his chance to talk. I would say I managed him ok, but i just have no confidence how much he got from the session.

Anyway, maybe one day, it would be good to explore this melting pot more, understand the different cultures, and find a way to deal with the CALD groups n of course the local unpredictable weather~

Long Weekend - Sand Sulptures

The long weekend was doing me good~ But who would hate holiday?! (i know i do during most holidays, but well..)

Last Sunday was a nice & sunny day. We decided to head down Frankston for the sand sculpture display at the beach. I was impressed with the skills that people can make sand into those sulptures, but even more amazed with how creative my friends were in taking pictures with those models.....

Well, where was i? I was the one taking all these pictures & definitely having a good laugh behind the camera! Hahaha.... Anyway, having Monday off was good to replenish rest & fluids that lost under the hot hot sun~~ :)

Gardening

最近有了一個新嗜好 — 愛上 gardening。媽咪在離開 melbourne 之前，留了幾棵花，幾粒剛種的薯仔，說有時間就澆澆水，淋淋花。好彩，王天不負有心人，現在有些成果了.... 也不費了我天天早晚澆兩次水.... 哈哈~~

洋水仙~~ 黃黃色，好美~~~

薯仔~~ 它們好壯~！

工作

工作上最近還好吧~ 這星期有 TRAK training，把我四天的早上用掉，所以沒這麽悶了~ 別誤會我是工作狂，反而我是那種五點就走的員工。不過，我很怕沒事做的感覺。一邊要設法善用時間，一邊又要想想是不是上司交代過的工作我忘記了所以才閑着，最後就只有“扮忙”~

但，工作上也可說是好點了。令我興奮的是前幾天接到的一通電話，是以前一位 placement 時認識的 dietitian，邀請我參加他們的 Chinese Diabetes Education working team. 可以為華人服務是我一個理想，也是我現在的一個賣點。中文在這區實在重要。就像前一陣子，我寫了一本中英文的 recipe book（其實菜譜是 internet copy & paste 的，我只是做翻譯），但我上司很喜歡，我也很開心，因爲這是其他 dietitians 做不到的。不過，要做糖尿病講座我還是要多自修，因爲華人的飲食我真的需要進一步了解，才能真正幫到我的 clients~~

唉~ 說起華人 clients，我最近有位來自廣東的婆婆在我做家訪時，不停為我介紹對象。超高笑~ 我一邊對她說飲食，她又回答我說她朋友的孩子好~ 哎呀~~ 搞到我都不懂怎麽好。希望下次回去，她會乖乖聼我說營養啦~！

Tammie the Dietitian

I believe starting a career is never easy. Becoming a dietitian allows me to see the many layers of dietetics that need to be unfolded/explored. Everyday i do several one-on-one consultations with clients which are very similar to my placements. The only difference is that i now call myself "the dietitian" instead "the Student dietitian". However, removing the word student doesn't mean my knowledge or skills have been upgraded over the night. Gradually I am seeing more clients with complex histories, or simple diabetic clients with complexed situations/personality, or asking god-knows-what questions. Well, i just could feel my thirst & hunger for more extensive nutritional knowledge, to perhaps sound (at least) more professional. At this stage I am craving for more "tastier" information to upgrade myself & certainly do my best for every client & be a better dietitian everyday~~

去年今天

上個星期日，與一大班“師妹們”聚餐。媽咪說我“開班授徒”，其實只是想在她們開學前，幫她們打支強心針~ 確實在他們眼中，我現在已經“很成功”，可說是個榜樣。成功四年畢業，又這麽快找到工作。不過，這一切都是好運吧~！

其實，去年今天，我還像現在的她們，天天愁眉苦臉，臉上都挂着只有擔心與憂心，壓力大到呼吸也困難~ 去年的上學期，簡直是一個惡夢 -- 一個本以爲醒不來的惡夢。想起當初的困撓，不禁嘆氣~ 到現在我都不明白為什麽這 placement 一直爲難我們，把我們的日子弄得這麽不好過。

眼看“師妹們”就快要經歷一個大考驗，也為她們擔心。不是怕她們沒有能力，而是不知道她們有沒有那毅力，咬緊牙根挨過這関。去年我靠的是朋友與家人的支持，我才沒放棄，沒被打倒。這聚餐中，我以過來人的一直對她們說着的就是：無論如何，不要放棄。希望她們也儘快從惡夢醒過來啦~

Mum left Melbourne

Mummy has left Melbourne yesterday. My first ever ADO was taken with all my reluctance, as this half-day-off was to send mummy to the airport. Strangely we have been through so many separations in the years I came to Melbourne to study, but everytime when we need to be apart, tears just fall uncontrollably. We just love one another too much~

Anyway, the house becomes very empty & quiet now. I m missing my mum already.

Upgrading Myself

My dream of taking Master has to be discarded. After the orientation on yesterday, i left the hall with a heavy feeling in the stomach - because i knew the possibility of handling both my full-time job and the course is very minimal. A year of 280hours of allocated compulsory placement... I think my boss might as well fire me.

But actually come to think about it, i wld say taking Master is regarded as an extreme way to upgrade myself. This course is for training counsellor. If i m not going to BE a counsellor, i might be wasting the time, resources, and money. And more importantly, i need more time to work on improving my dietetic skills & knowledge.

Anyway, it is the Master course that i m throwing out the window. I m not stopping to value-add myself. I believe i need more skills to become a better dietitian. In a way, i have to keep learning. It is just a matter of how....

特別情人節

今年情人節比較特別。雖然單身的我依然是沒男士約，不過我邀請了媽咪去吃晚飯 -- 因爲我昨天出糧了！人生第一次用自己賺的錢“請”媽咪吃飯！好開心啊！哈~~~

返工.... 好亂！

返工已一星期。感覺..... 只有... 亂！

一開始面對一堆摸不清頭腦的文件。Tax, salary packaging, superannuation，連媽咪都出動幫我研究。搞了一晚還是不大明白... 頭腦的亂！

之後，慢慢發現亂的程度更恐怖。電腦 system 上，我的 login 只能上網和 check emails，那些 drives 就沒有，而最重要的 schedule （幾時見哪個 client）更是沒有 access. 一個星期了，電腦問題還沒解決。至於日常操作，就更亂。Clients 的文件竟然可以在五個不同地方“嘗試找”！在我上班的第二天，我發現我其中一個 client 竟然有 4 個文檔。相信之前的 staffs 都“找不到”而重復自立了新文檔。我的天啊！.... 機構的亂！

不過，更可笑的是我上司根本是個十分亂的人。就算現在，我都搞不清自己應該在哪裏上班。Interview 當天，她說我會去 Clayton 和 Glen 上班。第一天，她對我說我要駐守 Hugesdale 而星期四就到 Glen。隔了兩天，她又說我星期三，五去 Glen. 但到我問她我到 Glen 做什麽，因爲我的 clients 都在 Hugesdale，她又對我說那我就暫時會在 Hugesdale，以後永遠去 Glen。唉~ 她到底自己搞清楚了沒有~~~ 不過啊，與我一起 start first day 的 Grade 2 同事更慘，Dietitian Room 給了我見 clients，而她就像被遺棄的，要自己找地方坐，做事。真的很亂！

第一份工多少會不習慣，會比較亂，不過應該不至於這樣亂吧~ 指引又沒有，多數的東西都是亂七八糟。去 home visits 就自己去，要小心什麽，要做什麽都沒對我說。唉~ 要我習慣這工作，我相信我要一段時間來慢慢了解最基本的運作，可能‘撞幾次板學乖’，因爲一切都太亂了！

* 不過，話雖如此，同事們還算友善，也很會幫忙。始終我是 fresh grad，他們因該不會嫌我煩吧~ 希望這份工會做得開開心心啦~

Starting work in one day

Starting work in one day. Working / Earning a living... It sounds unfamiliarly grown up~ Well, i shld have expected it from the time of graduation & job-hunting, but still. At this point of time, i question if i m ready. I think everyone does feel a bit uneasy before she starts work for a new job, esp the first job. Well, will my colleagues be nice? What scope or field are they expecting me to cover? How can i utilise my skills best? Thousands of questions flashing in my head~ Anxiety & eagerness to find out more~ Hope tomorrow will be fine. :)

H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S

The 4D3N trip to Adelaide with mum was a great finale of my long long happy holiday. Despite having a last-minute plan for the trip, these 4 days have been well-scheduled and definitely joyful. Although we faced an immidiate issue of accommodation initially (i booked an "room" behind a cafe?!!!), things just smoothed out pretty soon. Day one we explored the city & took numerous photos; day 2 we took a tram down to Glenelg Beach for the dolphin-watch & "micro-shell"-hunting on the coast; day 3 we joined the day tour to go up the hills to Handnofs (German village) & many wineries; & last day at Central Market & round-up the trip. It was a relaxing, slow-pace trip that allowed us to maximise our time in exploring Adelaide~ It was really Great~! Flashes of the close-view of the wild dolphins & the taste of the German sausage are all still fresh in my mind, which have definitely made a memorable "graduation trip".

Well, as i said, this comes to the end of my lovely holidays. For years, i have taken these 3-month long holidays for granted. I didn't even take up part-time or casual jobs but simply spent the time luxurously relaxing at home. Well, I will be starting to work next Monday~ 9to5 daily, n i m sure i ll probably miss my long long vacation~~

一月二十五日

一月二十五日.... 今天是哥哥二十六嵗生日，又是一年一度的聯歡晚會。今年我和媽咪身在澳洲，不能與哥慶祝，也無法出席晚會。不過我們在家裏也慶祝了一番。媽做了豬排，我做了蛋糕，就當為哥慶生日，也幫他吃了個大餐。哈... 不過，過去五年的晚會我都有參加，今年卻無法回去，多少有點遺憾，再説媽咪今年也為了陪我，沒有出席，感覺上好像... 怪怪的。

Anyway，今天也是我“移居”澳洲五周年啊~ 五年前，我就是今天帶着依依不捨的心情，背井離鄉，來到澳洲讀書。回想起來，到達當天，迎接我的是一個 46C 的晚上，到現在我還記得清清楚楚。那時的心情還是對自己未來有點擔心。想不到五年後的今天，陌生的澳洲已成了我一個熟悉的家，我也讀完大學，成爲理想的營養師，正準備開始工作了。變.... 一切都在變.... 不知道再過五年，我的生活又會有什麽改變。會回到家了嗎？嫁人了嗎？事業又會到什麽地步呢？

還得神了

還得神了！我終于做到營養師了！Monashlink 請我了！我要做 community dietitian 啦！PR application 又前幾天落實了！真的好開心啊！希望以後的事都順順利利~

PR Application

前幾天決定填 form 申請 PR. 我一直誤以爲要等全部文件準備好，才可以開始申請。直到上星期五，我打電話到移民局，才知道自己白等了。結果當天就立刻填 form。不過，說來這填 form，我也用了一天半！查家宅，問個徹底的。不過，昨天 form 一遞了，bridging visa 就落了。真好~ 放心了，不會做黑市居民了。

找工作

放假已經是兩個月。我一直都在忙着搬家，畢業行禮，陪伴家人到處玩。雖然與此同時我也有跟進 PR application 和盡力找工，不過進展甚微。至到最近，我無意間發現以前的同學大部份已開始工作，我突然有一種被抛離的感覺。

但是我知道急也急不來，其實也無需太急。人生最重要是在適當的時候做適當的事。此時此刻，這漫長的假期是因該好好享受。媽咪放棄了她回程的機票，留在 Melbourne 陪我過中國新年，我是應該 appreciate 和好好陪她。況且，今年我有打算讀書，就算無工開也不會做無業游民，無所事事。

我看還是隨緣吧~

天氣超熱

第一次在 Melbourne 過 summer，原來天氣是超熱，有 40C 以上啊！熱到昏。自從 12月31日在 Flinders St Station 中暑，高過 35C 的日子，我們都不敢外出（連 shopping centres 也不敢去）。幸好的是這剛搬的新家設有冷氣，把這可怕的 summer days 變得可愛。哈哈~~ 自從離開焗爐房的魔掌，生活進步了，人開心，健康多了。

2007 年大事回顧

雖然消失了一段日子，但我不是人間蒸發，也不是想放棄此 blog，只是因爲最近太忙了。忙... 不是 placement 那種艱苦的忙，而是與家人好友開心的忙。話雖如此，2007 年終于圓滿結束，再忙也要做個 2007 年大事回顧了。

年頭......
放了一個零煩惱的悠長假期，帶着依依不捨的心情回來 Melbourne，接受 BND 最後一年的挑戰。雖然那時有了心理準備，但那幾個月的假期真的把我之前 placement 的經驗抛諸腦後，從而無法輕易地重拾心情。那段漫長 clinical placement 的日子是我畢生以來最吃力不討好，最艱苦，最無法控制情緒的日子。雖然一次又一次的提醒自己不能放棄，但始終心裏也有過最壞打算。最後親耳聼到 supervisor 說我 passed 了，簡直開心到想哭。不過，走過了這段路，我 feel 到自己成長了，同時我也深深體會到家人的愛護和朋友的珍貴。

年中.......
做 food service placement 的兩個星期，與 Janet 嘻嘻哈哈地過得十分愉快。我們為那 childcare 提供了營養建議，都感覺做得不錯。但不久之後，我們就收到壞消息，說我們 failed 了整個科目，因爲我們的 placement 不及格。當時，我立刻墮入 07 年裏第二個情緒低潮。被人否決，受不平等的對待，一切都是啞巴吃黃連。唉~ 現在已經變成過眼雲煙了，好彩的是我的 Supplementary placement 過關了。

下半年.......
在 MCHS 裏做 public health placements，so far 最開心。與 Janet 一起擁有自己的 project， 好好玩，感覺好獨立。Supervisor Anne 姑姑很好人，也知道我們的寫作能力差，用心地教導我們。MCHS 的工作人員都很好，我們很快就成爲了他們的一份子了。雖然 9to5 的上 placement 一點都不鬆懈，但至少日子過得愉快。

這一年裏，不順利的事有不少，不過幸好的是最終還是順利畢業。不過令我遺憾的是這次畢業與我同窗四年的沒有幾個，而我的好友也不能一起行禮。

年底....
當學業上的一切終于告一段落，而我正式畢業的消息也出了，我開始為蔡家大軍到澳洲的事而忙。考完試的一個月，我都用來搬新家。從收拾，到買傢私；從大搬屋，到與前 housemate 大戰，足足用了一個月。就在 daddy, mummy, emama 和哥到的早上，我們才把家裏弄好。

不過我家人開開心心來參加我的畢業典禮，我心裏真的覺得好幸福。看到他們的笑容，我知道一切的努力是值得的。

Anyway, 2007 年終于有個結束，這時也是我人生的一個轉換站。畢業了，投身社會，一切都會改變。無憂無慮的學生生活也成了過去。異鄉的生活已成了一種習慣，但在異鄉工作又可否習慣呢？前景雖然看不透，但我對 08 年半工半讀的生活充滿信心，因爲我在過去一年學會了堅持。要堅持，再不順利的歷程也會熬過去。